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i binged again today…

BUT i’ve overcame one little thing - i haven’t eaten anything after 6. i’m guilty for eating junk food after 6pm, so little progress has been made :) better than no progress at all. tomorrow, i’m going shopping for last minute holiday things so i’ll be out and getting some exercise. i might suck in all day so i’ll be working the abs. i’ll do 20 minutes of cardio in the morning (if i can) or do my ab exercises. i’ll start my day off with some cheerios and for lunch i’ll probably have to chose something from a fast food restaurant - i’ll go for a subway. sort of healthy, right? if i get hungry when i’m craving to binge, i’ll eat my sugar free jelly. the strawberry flavour is 2 calories and the raspberry is 10 - TOTALLY YUMMMM. & i’ll snack of an alpen bar if it’s not helping. for dinner, i’ll have wholewheat pasta :F got to take it in baby steps. 

i’m starting the gym once i come back on holiday :) my grandpa says he’ll take me (ikr, my grandpa… i’m 16, but i’d feel better going with someone to keep me motivated. my friends aren’t up for it + my grandpa is as fit as a fiddle and is wanting to get back in shape! he is trying to go for a healthy lifestyle so he’ll be a great influence on me). i’m going to start toning up and burning off the fat. I CAN DO THIS.

i hope my holiday away will do me good. i just need to get away from here for a while. i’ll probably be less likely to binge on holiday because i’ll be spending my days lounging at the pool, away from food cupboards. i’m going to take advantage of my holiday - there’s a pool, so i’ll spend a lot of time with my brother playing in the pool with a ball and maybe try and do some lengths in the morning before it gets all crowded. there’s also a tennis court - me and my brother have challenged each other to a game! i’m so going to kick his ass, i used to play tennis but quit once my friend left my hometown to live in france. the food however is a buffet. this could go two ways - healthy or unhealthy. i can limit my portions though, something i can’t do with family around. i can stock up on veggies if they have any and eat all the fruit i like. 

even though i won’t have the flat stomach i hoped for, i’ll going to enjoy myself and make this vacation into some sort of recovery week for me. i’m not going to let this destroy me. i’m not going to let it win. 

not been here in a while.

so i’ve been mia for about a month. i apologize for that. i don’t really have a reason, i just completely forgot about it.

i have confessions to make.

this past month, i’ve been binging. literally, been binging every night. it being loads of chocolate bars, loads of candy bars, cake, tons of pizza… i’ve done it all this past month. to start off, i weighed 93 pounds. i’m very much aware that i’m underweight (and my period has stopped) so i thought i’d try and gain weight by doing weight lifting, increasing my calorie intake, etc. however, i’ve also realised i’ve been underweight my whole entire life… so i thought i’d try and gain some weight the healthy way. i think something triggers in my head that i need to eat to gain this weight. & when i think of gaining weight, i think of junk food. the cravings start, my hand reaches out and i eat and eat and eat until i feel like i’m going to be sick. i probably eat over 2000 calories every single day when i should be eating 1500 to maintain weight.

the first week of binging every night uncontrollable amounts, i decided to weigh myself. i gained 2 pounds. that sort of gave me the motivation to stop binging. so, i did. i stopped binging for 5 days, got myself back on the scale and i went back to my normal weight. body weight fluctuating? possibly.

i’m now back to my old habits. i haven’t weighed myself since. today, i’ve eaten a small bowl of fruit & low fat yogurt + a piece of wholegrain toast and peanut butter for breakfast. i then had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a banana for lunch. then, it went all down hill. i ate strawberries w/ chocolate, a small yorkie bar, a small time out biscuit, special k bar, a twix, a macaroon bar and 6 slices of pizza. i think i had something else but i forgot. to even think about it makes me sick.

when i eat these things, i just don’t care. it’s like i don’t give a damn. i want to change so badly but i have no motivation to do so.

i go on vacation on friday and i still don’t have my flat stomach which i wanted. so i guess that i’ve failed, i feel as if i should stop trying. but it’s not about a flat stomach anymore - it’s the fact that my eating habits are screwed and i’m afraid they won’t change and i will actually gain weight, fat and become seriously ill.

i just weighed myself after eating all that today. the first time i’ve weighed myself in 3 weeks. i weigh 6 stone 13. i’ve gained like 7 pounds. i feel disappointed, embarrassed and a failure. i was eating so well… and now it’s all gone. poof. out the window.

i just want to escape this. i hate it. i’m so alone in it all and i just want to get back to normal. i just want to go back before i began to count calories and become self conscious about my weight. because the truth is, i’m too young to care right now. i shouldn’t be caring about the amount of calories in a chocolate bar or in a single grape. i should be enjoying life without having to worry about gaining weight or losing weight or what my appearance looks like. it feels like i’m trapped with no way out. & it’s either fight it or lose to it… and i’m tired of trying to fight it. i’m tired of beating myself up after i binge. i just want out of this.

what are my plans now? i don’t know. i really don’t know. i might try and make a meal plan but every time that i’ve done it, i’ve failed anyways.

if i come back on this, i’ll let you know about my progress… if there is any progress being made.  

hi. :)

i haven’t been on tumblr for a while (sorrry!) i just haven’t had the time. i have finished all my exams (YES!) so i’ve been taking a few days off to relax and spend some time with my family.

i think i’ve been doing okay! i’ve increased my calorie intake and eating more to my daily intake to maintain my weight. i weighed the same as i did last week so big thumbs up! i’ve began to look more closely at not only calories but how much sugar and fat are IN the foods i’m eating. 

i’m still bloating like heck sadly. if anyone has any tips to reduce bloating, please share!

i start school back on tuesday so i’ll be able to get more active since i’ll be on my feet walking more than what i am right now. i won’t have access to food all the time and i’ll be able to make myself some healthy lunches for school :)

i’ve also started going to zumba classes with my mum! i went for the first time last week and it was really fun! the instructor is fun and makes the hour fly back quickly. i didn’t break sweat however… so maybe it’s not that hard going compared to the rest.

my next little goal is to not eat the dominos pizza my mum has ordered for herself and my brother. she got hungry so she ordered some and i’m soo determined not to eat any. I CAN DO THIS. WILL POWER. 

stay beautiful ladies.<3

fail

sooo. i ate far too much last night. i overate and stuffed my face with everything that was unhealthy. i deserve to have fun and enjoy myself - just not to stuff my face. hahaa, but i guess that’s what you do at sleepovers.

then this morning, my friends mum basically forced me to eat a roll and sausage and made me drink tea and orange juice. i feel sick. i can’t eat anymore and the only thing i managed to eat for lunch was a banana… and i still feel sick.

tomorrow is a new day i guess, and i have all afternoon to continue to eat healthy. 

i was outside in the pouring rain for two hours and i guess that’s also why i feel sick. ugh, i’m not having a sleepover again for a long time. 

good mood :)

i just came back from my day out with my grandpa :) instead of having a mcdonalds, we had a subway. still not that healthy but it’s better than a mcdonalds! so i’m very happy about that :] i woke up this morning and found out i lost 2 pounds this week. eeek, i thought i had gained weight (and hoped so i could burn it off again!) but i guess something weird happened hahaa. i feel a lot better about myself today for some reason which is good. 

tonight, i’m staying at my friends house. i’m not letting myself have ANY candy. i don’t care how much i want it, i want a flat stomach more so screw you candy :] i’m determined. tomorrow for breakfast though i’ll probably end up having a croissant (they always have croissants for their breakfast) but i’ll have to live with that i guess. we’re going out to watch a football game in the morning anyway so we may be walking about a bit. also, i want to go out with my mum once i get back to the shops so i can pick out more healthy stuff to eat (and more walking about!) ;] 

i’ll blog again tomorrow night or something to let you know how i done. will it be good news? bad news? who knows aha! time will tell.

stay beautiful ladies <3 

success!

it’s 9pm now and i think i’m going to head into bed and watch some dvds for a while because i’m quite tired. today was successful in my eyes. i stuck to my plan and didn’t touch cakes, chocolate, etc. & i drank so much water. i feel a lot better knowing i didn’t do anything wrong. 

tomorrow is different since i’m going out with my grandpa. like i’ve said, he may want to go to mcdonalds but i won’t let that get me down. i’ll be walking a lot tomorrow anyways and i’ll workout a bit longer tomorrow morning to prepare myself :) we might not even go to mcdonalds (fingers crossed). i’m going to try and suggest somewhere else. 

we’re going to a bookshop (YAY!) and they sell sandwiches, croissants. still unhealthy but what would i rather eat - mcdonalds or a croissant? CROISSANT. i’d feel better about myself.

anyways, going to go to bed smiling :] i weigh in tomorrow but tbh, it doesn’t bother me much anymore. the number on the scale is just a number, it’s what my body looks like that matters to me. 

i binged again today…

BUT i’ve overcame one little thing - i haven’t eaten anything after 6. i’m guilty for eating junk food after 6pm, so little progress has been made :) better than no progress at all. tomorrow, i’m going shopping for last minute holiday things so i’ll be out and getting some exercise. i might suck in all day so i’ll be working the abs. i’ll do 20 minutes of cardio in the morning (if i can) or do my ab exercises. i’ll start my day off with some cheerios and for lunch i’ll probably have to chose something from a fast food restaurant - i’ll go for a subway. sort of healthy, right? if i get hungry when i’m craving to binge, i’ll eat my sugar free jelly. the strawberry flavour is 2 calories and the raspberry is 10 - TOTALLY YUMMMM. & i’ll snack of an alpen bar if it’s not helping. for dinner, i’ll have wholewheat pasta :F got to take it in baby steps. 

i’m starting the gym once i come back on holiday :) my grandpa says he’ll take me (ikr, my grandpa… i’m 16, but i’d feel better going with someone to keep me motivated. my friends aren’t up for it + my grandpa is as fit as a fiddle and is wanting to get back in shape! he is trying to go for a healthy lifestyle so he’ll be a great influence on me). i’m going to start toning up and burning off the fat. I CAN DO THIS.

i hope my holiday away will do me good. i just need to get away from here for a while. i’ll probably be less likely to binge on holiday because i’ll be spending my days lounging at the pool, away from food cupboards. i’m going to take advantage of my holiday - there’s a pool, so i’ll spend a lot of time with my brother playing in the pool with a ball and maybe try and do some lengths in the morning before it gets all crowded. there’s also a tennis court - me and my brother have challenged each other to a game! i’m so going to kick his ass, i used to play tennis but quit once my friend left my hometown to live in france. the food however is a buffet. this could go two ways - healthy or unhealthy. i can limit my portions though, something i can’t do with family around. i can stock up on veggies if they have any and eat all the fruit i like. 

even though i won’t have the flat stomach i hoped for, i’ll going to enjoy myself and make this vacation into some sort of recovery week for me. i’m not going to let this destroy me. i’m not going to let it win. 

not been here in a while.

so i’ve been mia for about a month. i apologize for that. i don’t really have a reason, i just completely forgot about it.

i have confessions to make.

this past month, i’ve been binging. literally, been binging every night. it being loads of chocolate bars, loads of candy bars, cake, tons of pizza… i’ve done it all this past month. to start off, i weighed 93 pounds. i’m very much aware that i’m underweight (and my period has stopped) so i thought i’d try and gain weight by doing weight lifting, increasing my calorie intake, etc. however, i’ve also realised i’ve been underweight my whole entire life… so i thought i’d try and gain some weight the healthy way. i think something triggers in my head that i need to eat to gain this weight. & when i think of gaining weight, i think of junk food. the cravings start, my hand reaches out and i eat and eat and eat until i feel like i’m going to be sick. i probably eat over 2000 calories every single day when i should be eating 1500 to maintain weight.

the first week of binging every night uncontrollable amounts, i decided to weigh myself. i gained 2 pounds. that sort of gave me the motivation to stop binging. so, i did. i stopped binging for 5 days, got myself back on the scale and i went back to my normal weight. body weight fluctuating? possibly.

i’m now back to my old habits. i haven’t weighed myself since. today, i’ve eaten a small bowl of fruit & low fat yogurt + a piece of wholegrain toast and peanut butter for breakfast. i then had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a banana for lunch. then, it went all down hill. i ate strawberries w/ chocolate, a small yorkie bar, a small time out biscuit, special k bar, a twix, a macaroon bar and 6 slices of pizza. i think i had something else but i forgot. to even think about it makes me sick.

when i eat these things, i just don’t care. it’s like i don’t give a damn. i want to change so badly but i have no motivation to do so.

i go on vacation on friday and i still don’t have my flat stomach which i wanted. so i guess that i’ve failed, i feel as if i should stop trying. but it’s not about a flat stomach anymore - it’s the fact that my eating habits are screwed and i’m afraid they won’t change and i will actually gain weight, fat and become seriously ill.

i just weighed myself after eating all that today. the first time i’ve weighed myself in 3 weeks. i weigh 6 stone 13. i’ve gained like 7 pounds. i feel disappointed, embarrassed and a failure. i was eating so well… and now it’s all gone. poof. out the window.

i just want to escape this. i hate it. i’m so alone in it all and i just want to get back to normal. i just want to go back before i began to count calories and become self conscious about my weight. because the truth is, i’m too young to care right now. i shouldn’t be caring about the amount of calories in a chocolate bar or in a single grape. i should be enjoying life without having to worry about gaining weight or losing weight or what my appearance looks like. it feels like i’m trapped with no way out. & it’s either fight it or lose to it… and i’m tired of trying to fight it. i’m tired of beating myself up after i binge. i just want out of this.

what are my plans now? i don’t know. i really don’t know. i might try and make a meal plan but every time that i’ve done it, i’ve failed anyways.

if i come back on this, i’ll let you know about my progress… if there is any progress being made.  

hi. :)

i haven’t been on tumblr for a while (sorrry!) i just haven’t had the time. i have finished all my exams (YES!) so i’ve been taking a few days off to relax and spend some time with my family.

i think i’ve been doing okay! i’ve increased my calorie intake and eating more to my daily intake to maintain my weight. i weighed the same as i did last week so big thumbs up! i’ve began to look more closely at not only calories but how much sugar and fat are IN the foods i’m eating. 

i’m still bloating like heck sadly. if anyone has any tips to reduce bloating, please share!

i start school back on tuesday so i’ll be able to get more active since i’ll be on my feet walking more than what i am right now. i won’t have access to food all the time and i’ll be able to make myself some healthy lunches for school :)

i’ve also started going to zumba classes with my mum! i went for the first time last week and it was really fun! the instructor is fun and makes the hour fly back quickly. i didn’t break sweat however… so maybe it’s not that hard going compared to the rest.

my next little goal is to not eat the dominos pizza my mum has ordered for herself and my brother. she got hungry so she ordered some and i’m soo determined not to eat any. I CAN DO THIS. WILL POWER. 

stay beautiful ladies.<3

fail

sooo. i ate far too much last night. i overate and stuffed my face with everything that was unhealthy. i deserve to have fun and enjoy myself - just not to stuff my face. hahaa, but i guess that’s what you do at sleepovers.

then this morning, my friends mum basically forced me to eat a roll and sausage and made me drink tea and orange juice. i feel sick. i can’t eat anymore and the only thing i managed to eat for lunch was a banana… and i still feel sick.

tomorrow is a new day i guess, and i have all afternoon to continue to eat healthy. 

i was outside in the pouring rain for two hours and i guess that’s also why i feel sick. ugh, i’m not having a sleepover again for a long time. 

good mood :)

i just came back from my day out with my grandpa :) instead of having a mcdonalds, we had a subway. still not that healthy but it’s better than a mcdonalds! so i’m very happy about that :] i woke up this morning and found out i lost 2 pounds this week. eeek, i thought i had gained weight (and hoped so i could burn it off again!) but i guess something weird happened hahaa. i feel a lot better about myself today for some reason which is good. 

tonight, i’m staying at my friends house. i’m not letting myself have ANY candy. i don’t care how much i want it, i want a flat stomach more so screw you candy :] i’m determined. tomorrow for breakfast though i’ll probably end up having a croissant (they always have croissants for their breakfast) but i’ll have to live with that i guess. we’re going out to watch a football game in the morning anyway so we may be walking about a bit. also, i want to go out with my mum once i get back to the shops so i can pick out more healthy stuff to eat (and more walking about!) ;] 

i’ll blog again tomorrow night or something to let you know how i done. will it be good news? bad news? who knows aha! time will tell.

stay beautiful ladies <3 

success!

it’s 9pm now and i think i’m going to head into bed and watch some dvds for a while because i’m quite tired. today was successful in my eyes. i stuck to my plan and didn’t touch cakes, chocolate, etc. & i drank so much water. i feel a lot better knowing i didn’t do anything wrong. 

tomorrow is different since i’m going out with my grandpa. like i’ve said, he may want to go to mcdonalds but i won’t let that get me down. i’ll be walking a lot tomorrow anyways and i’ll workout a bit longer tomorrow morning to prepare myself :) we might not even go to mcdonalds (fingers crossed). i’m going to try and suggest somewhere else. 

we’re going to a bookshop (YAY!) and they sell sandwiches, croissants. still unhealthy but what would i rather eat - mcdonalds or a croissant? CROISSANT. i’d feel better about myself.

anyways, going to go to bed smiling :] i weigh in tomorrow but tbh, it doesn’t bother me much anymore. the number on the scale is just a number, it’s what my body looks like that matters to me. 

i binged again today…
not been here in a while.
hi. :)
fail
good mood :)
success!

About:

this is my tumblr to help me get motivated to be skinny. i'm a skinny-fat person meaning i don't weigh much but i still have fat in certain places. i plan to eat better, build muscle and do cardio.